CHILDWISE
By RUTH LIEW

Fathers leave an indelible mark in their children’s lives.

A FATHER plays a vital role in the family. He is more than just the breadwinner. He is the nurturer who has significant influence on his children’s growth and development. A hands-on father is also a productive worker who sets a positive example for his family.

When a father interacts with his child, he builds on the child’s brainpower. When he holds up his child, he would tickle her or swing her around. He would show her many things that are in the environment.

His child develops a sense of awareness from playing with Dad. She learns to anticipate his movements and her learning is reinforced when she gets it right.

Physical and eye contact are two important elements in the father’s interactions with his children. They should be natural, comfortable and not showy or overdone. A child whose parents use eye and physical contact will be comfortable with herself and other people.

It is found that parents with high self-esteem tend to show more love and acceptance of their children. When children are encouraged rather than criticised or punished, they will be more successful in their learning.

Children will be more committed to staying in school and show greater determination to succeed when they have their father’s unceasing support. A father enhances his children’s cognitive development and school achievements.

A mother lamented that her 16-year-old son is defiant and has problems at school. He has been tardy and playing truant. His teachers find it hard to tolerate his challenging behaviour. She is struggling to keep her son from dropping out of school. She added that her son could not get along with his father.

Children look up to their fathers for a sense of commitment. They need to know the importance of education and believe strongly in work ethics. It has been found that teenagers stay out of trouble and remain in school longer when they have a positive relationship with their fathers.

Dr Thomas Lickona in his book, Raising Good Children, pointed out that it is important for a child to develop a sense of identity within his family. He said that teenagers continue to need adults in their lives and the family plays an important role in keeping them morally rooted and knowing who they are.

When a father is available and caring, he shows his sons his nurturing skills in feeding, bathing and changing them just like their mother. By doing so, when his sons grow up, they too will honour this role as a nurturer who is hands-on.

A father who is committed to his role contributes to his daughter’s sense of self-worth. Successful women have often spoken highly of how their fathers inspired them to pursue their dreams. Their fathers have shown them how they can shape and contribute to the world they live in as women. Their fathers had faith in them as individuals who are capable and did not regard them as the weaker sex.

In many cultures today, men and women continue to differ in their roles in the family. Women are responsible for childcare and housework, while men take on more masculine roles. There will be greater happiness when men and women share equal responsibility in raising a family.

Research findings from Western Europe and North America tell us that a father’s anchoring presence in raising children will make them more gender sensitive. It is hoped that in the future, our children will create a gender equitable society, in which men and women share the same respect.

Fathers are creative playmates. They bring a different perspective to the parent-child relationship. They show children different ways of doing things. Fathers tend to let children go the extra mile and cheer them on with great enthusiasm. They are also more relaxed with them and allow their children to take more chances than mothers normally do.

They will indulge in play activities with their children that mothers are not comfortable. They enjoy roughhousing, are more tolerant of mess and more concerned with the fun they can create with their children. This translates to enabling the young learners to take bolder steps in exploration and experimentation. Children with interested fathers tend to show more initiative and self-control.

To all the fathers out there: You are essential to your child’s life. You are the beacon that guides them as they journey on.